All for "not want" of a nail

“For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.”
-Johnny Carson

I am proof personified for the latter claim about fingernails. To begin with, I generally never have let my finger or toe nails grow for too long before my mild OCD takes over and drives me up the wall if left unattended. I cut them so close that there is no room for the nails to breathe, if they ever have to do so. And it bothers me while using the keyboard. So I have a nail clipper handy NOT ONLY in my toilet kit, but also in my dresser, the living room candy jar and study table pen stand! I was even contemplating leaving one at work, JUST IN CASE.
Yes, weird- tell me about it.

Every time I attempt to go for a manicure(I have tested this in multiple cities and multiple nail salons within my own with the same discouraging result) its only a matter of minutes before the lady looks at my hands and guffaws loudly , continues to giggle like a school kid and finally asks "You want to have a manicure with THESE nails?????". Alright, I got the point lady!! And then with her most earnest face she tells me that I should grow them some more and THEN come back for a manicure. I sit and huff and puff at the massage chair and try to come up with nasty ways to give her a hard time while she pedicures. Touchy subject, you know!

Pedicures are fine, I let my toe nails grow to a cm more than finger nails. But within 3 or 4 weeks of a pedicure, I am chopping the toe nails and ruining all the effort that goes into it.

Therein I come to the latest issue of mine. My fingernails seem to be growing too soon. I find myself chopping them every couple of weeks as opposed to once a month that it used to be. No, people, I haven't taken to drinking milk everyday or calcium overdoses. Nothing is different, yet I notice this change. I find it aggravating to have to cut them so frequently and on the other hand find it unbearable to let them grow. And my next concern is what if they start growing on a weekly basis, and then daily?????? Yet, I will not give in and let them grow in peace.

Its me or them nails. Bring it on!